According to the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 48.5 million people in the US have a substance use disorder. That’s an enormous number, but it doesn’t reflect the real impact of addiction … how it can affect everyone around the person who is struggling. Parents, children, partners, siblings, friends, coworkers, neighbors. A substance use disorder rarely impacts only the person who has it.
Should I encourage my loved one to get addiction treatment?
Caring about a person with a substance use disorder can be hard, and it’s pretty normal to be questioning what you can do and whether you should even be trying.
There are things you can do! The support and encouragement of loved ones can make a huge difference in a person’s recovery from addiction. Note: I want to be clear that you cannot make someone seek help (even someone who really loves you, even someone who desperately needs that help). Coercing a person to get treatment usually isn’t effective and may even be detrimental. They have to be willing. But encouraging your friend or family member to get help and supporting them as they do can be extremely impactful, and can increase their odds of achieving long-term recovery.
Let them know you care
Many of us with substance use disorder can be extremely sensitive to the feeling that we’re being judged for it. When you talk to your loved one about their substance use, make it clear that you are worried about them, not that you’re judging or blaming them. Emphasize the connection and history you share, and that you are concerned because of that affection.
Remember substance use disorders are treatable
When a loved one is caught in the cycle of addiction (or when you’re in it yourself), it can feel inevitable and unending. But it doesn’t have to be. Substance use disorders are treatable. And some of them (opioid and alcohol use disorders, for example) can be treated with FDA-approved medication in addition to other kinds of care, like behavioral health care and peer support.
Take some time to do research about addiction and the treatment options available in your area. Learning more about addiction may help you to better understand and sympathize with what your friend is dealing with. And learning about the treatment options can be reassuring to you, as well as preparing you to help them if they become willing to seek treatment. Workit Health has a downloading guide that might help you learn about medication-assisted treatment, and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers a free hotline you can call at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Set and maintain boundaries
“Boundaries” is a bit of a buzzword, but they are super important. One thing to keep in mind as you consider your boundaries is that they are about your behaviors, actions, and reactions, not about what the other person must do. Express your boundaries kindly but firmly. Some boundaries that people I know have set with their addicted loved ones include:
- I will help you find treatment options and support you in figuring out how to access them.
- I will not protect you from the consequences of your own choices (like paying debts for you, lying to your boss or partner, etc.).
- I won’t judge you or hate you for your substance use, and I’m also not going to blame anyone else (including myself) for it.
- If we’re hanging out and you get intoxicated, I’m going to leave. We can reconnect when you’re not under the influence of a substance.
- When you’re hurting and dopesick/hungover, I will bring you water, ice packs, and ibuprofen, but I won’t get opioids or alcohol for you.
For a lot of folks, the hardest part of boundaries is maintaining them. It’s easier to say you’re going to do (or not do) a thing than it is to consistently follow through. This is especially true when you have old patterns to overcome. But it is better for you and for them to hold firm on your boundaries.
Encourage healthier behavior
When your loved one takes positive steps, cheer them on! This is important even if they’re not “getting sober” in the way you want. Harm reduction, slowbriety, sobriety sampling … whatever they call it, taking steps to reduce their risk is a good thing that you should encourage.
I want to warn you about a weird thing that people sometimes do: They will see a loved one taking a positive action (like going to a peer support meeting) and instead of encouraging it, they will mock it or criticize it (“Oh, now you’re getting help, but when it was my birthday, you were too busy getting wasted!”). If you think your loved one isn’t getting into recovery fast enough or in quite the way you had expected, check yourself to be sure you don’t fall into this trap.
Take care of yourself
It can be stressful and emotionally draining to watch over and try to support someone with addiction. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself during this time. Practice good self-care and give yourself grace. It might be helpful for you to reach out to a peer support group of your own. Here are a few that you could look into:
- ALANON is a 12-step-based support group for anyone impacted by addiction.
- SMART Friends & Family is an alternative to 12-step programs that provides effective and easy-to-learn tools to help you and your family.
- Learn to Cope is a peer support network for friends and family members of those with substance use disorders.
- Parents of Addicted Loved Ones is a Christian organization that provides education and support to parents.
- Adult Children of Alcoholics is a 12-step group for the adult children of those struggling with addiction.
