As a woman in long-term addiction recovery who has been really open about my struggles, I thought it was important to share about how Long COVID is impacting my mental health. This topic isn’t getting enough attention.
So if you think COVID is affecting your mind and emotions? Well, it turns out it’s not all in your head. I mean it is … but not in the way you think.
COVID is still here, and still contagious
Look around and you may see more people wearing masks again. The Cedars-Sinai COVID-19 Recovery Program isn’t accepting new patients. Your friends are sick. Their friends are sick. In many communities (like mine) COVID is on the rise again.
I nanny. A friend of the family I nanny for flew in from Wisconsin on a Monday. I overheard her saying she was feeling a little off and was taking oregano oil. (No comment.) By Wednesday, I was so ill and she had tested positive for COVID—or Omni or whatever it’s the new variant is. Then the dad went down. Then the mom. Then the little baby was hot and sniffly and screaming. We all had COVID. Thanks, Typhoid Mary.
Everyone in the family recovered pretty quickly, but I did not. It took me a good month to be able to get out of bed. My immune system has always been garbage, so I wasn’t that surprised. When I got COVID two years ago, it took me the same amount of time to recover. But this time, my progress was different. I’d have a day or two of feeling normal and then I’d feel awful again. I’ve been cycling through this recurring pattern since I got sick. Lucky me, I have Long COVID.
Long COVID has been preying on my mental health
I noticed something else that I experienced with this infection and not with past bouts: major mental health symptoms. This includes a Sylvia Plath-like suicidal ideation and dark dark depression, hysterical crying fits, and extreme brain fog. I have always been prone to depression and suicidal ideation, but now it became the everyday norm. And I’ll be honest, it was scary.
Sure, being sick in your house alone, isolated for weeks can make you bummed out. But I had an inkling that something else was going on, so I did some research. What I found is frightening and enlightening.
I’m not the only one experiencing this
I’m not sure how many science nerds are out there, so I’ll boil it down for you. COVID may cause mental illness and depression even if you’ve never experienced mental illness in your life. And if you’ve battled depression or mental illness before (like me), well … you may be in for a new level of hell.
Scientists are discovering that the virus that causes COVID-19 may trigger inflammation in the brain. No bueno. It can also cause damage to two types of cells that are crucial for brain activity and repair (neurons and glial cells). Also no bueno. This damage may be the cause of my fatigue, brain fog, memory issues, depression, and anxiety.
I don’t know how others experience “brain fog,” but I’ll describe what it’s like for me. I was in the market with my boyfriend the other night, and I got super dizzy and felt almost high. Not a fun high. Like a scary, dumb high. I was running into people. I couldn’t figure out the self-checkout. (Granted self-checkout is always annoying and confusing, but this time I cocked my head with a blank look in my eyes, turned to my dude, and said, “I don’t get it. Can you help?”) I was in bed by 6 pm, before I did or said something stupid. I had a brutal headache—almost a migraine, but more like if a medieval swordsman had pierced your brain with some long rusty dagger. And of course, I had already burst out crying earlier in the day over something miniscule.
Scientists have compared blood samples from hundreds of individuals with and without Long COVID. They found that the patients with persistent Long COVID symptoms had low levels of serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter. I’m already on 80 mg of Prozac so less serotonin is really bad news for me.
Long COVID is … long
I think I’m on my second month of being sick now. I tend to get one normal day, followed by two days where I’m confined to my bed. The fatigue is excruciating, bordering on narcolepsy. I’ve read that some people get insomnia, but that’s not the case for this Sleeping Beauty.
Even for people who recover from the physical effects of COVID (like the raging headaches, nausea, or fevers), the depression and mental/cognitive impairments can continue on. Yay.
Researchers are seeking treatment for Long COVID
Researchers are looking into some interesting, albeit controversial, treatments like low-dose naltrexone or stimulant therapy to treat the fatigue. Yes, naltrexone, the opiate blocker that’s used to treat opioid and alcohol use disorders. But these aren’t magic cures. For those of us who are in recovery from coke or meth, stimulant therapy could be a slippery slope. And for people taking buprenorphine or methadone for opioid use disorder or opioid pain medications, naltrexone isn’t an option. Other potential options scientists are looking at are TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) and ketamine for depression, but these are not fully tested or approved treatments at this time.
But it’s not all gloom and doom. Some people recover from Long COVID within a few months. For others, it could potentially take years … but the jury is out on that last statement.
What can you do in the meantime?
The body has an amazing ability to heal and recover. If you’re in the Long COVID boat with me, I hope it helps somewhat to know that you’re not alone, and you’re not imagining things. Here are some things I recommend:
- Rest, rest, rest. Sleep is important for your body and brain.
- Don’t forget to eat. Push through the lack of appetite to nourish your body.
- Try to laugh. It may not be “the best medicine,” but laughter does help.
- Stick with the most important aspects of your self-care. This means taking your meds, brushing your teeth, and drinking some water. If you’re in addiction recovery like me, it also means maintaining your recovery program to the best of your ability.
- Know that this sadness is chemical. You’re not broken, or being punished; your brain chemistry is being affected by a medical condition. Once this illness passes, your emotions will level out.
Haven’t you always wanted an exercise in patience and hope? Well, here it is.
